She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
