Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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