he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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