i just wanna soil my oats bro
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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