They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
