I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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