okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
