He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
