"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
