third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
