dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
