tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
