I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
