I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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