yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
