wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
