You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
