How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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