Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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