he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
