I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
