everyone is single if you try hard enough
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
