lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
