I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
