We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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