i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
