me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
