After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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