Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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