Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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