R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
