I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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