You smell like a Billy Joel song
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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