Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
