Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
