it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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