That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What a dumb baby whore.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
