Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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