sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
