Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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