I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
