remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
