Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
