Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
