Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
