My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
