My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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