im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
