wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize