I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
