i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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