I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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