he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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