I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
