There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
