i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
