there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
