in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the condom got lost in my hair
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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