Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize