i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
