I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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