My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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