Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
