Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
