Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
