Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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