even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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