oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
