i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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