my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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