So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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